I found myself wanting to pull my hair out this afternoon as I discovered my three year old had emptied an entire box of Kleenex on the landing of our stairway. She also used the last roll of TP in the house, along with the Kleenex, in efforts to make herself a "comfy bed." In addition to the tissue and TP, she had emptied her drawers of clothes, the same drawers that I, just this morning, spent time organizing and folding because she emptied the drawers yesterday. I kept asking her why she did this, since we tell her repeatedly to not do these exact things. She said that she didn't know and proceeded to tell me that I hurt her feelings.
I didn't want to talk to her as I was stuffing the excess of tissue in a bag, and I didn't want her to talk to me. I was so frustrated.
As I tucked her in to bed tonight, I laid next to her for a while. I apologized for how upset I got this afternoon and told her how special she is to me and how much I love her. She told me it was okay and that I was special to her too. I love her so much and at the end of the day, I hope to be patient, loving, and gracious, and to never underestimate the weight that an apology holds, even to a three year old.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Life phase #78,384
I have been in a weird funk of sorts lately. I seem to go through this phase every so often where I feel very insignificant and inadequate. It feels like no matter how hard I work or put myself out there, it is met with disappointment or frustration on the other side. I don't need people giving me lip service or blowing smoke up my ass, but every once in a while, some encouragement and words that are uplifting would be oh so great. Just to be reminded that there are people who support and love me.
I keep telling myself as of late that it isn't about what people think of my efforts to be a good, no great, mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc., but it really comes down to reminding myself that I am the Beloved. Therein lies my strength and hope and joy. But, if that is simply the case, do I stop expecting or wanting that from those I love, therefore, eliminating any sort of disappointment of not receiving these words of affirmation? I don't know the answer for sure.
Do you ever just want to take a break from life? Whatever that would mean. Not even a vacation necessarily, though I would not pass it up. Sometimes I think it would be great to just have a button to push that would take you to a place where you don't have a schedule, where you don't need to think of all of the financial issues, where you could experience freedom, peace, joy, sleep, great food, and awesome company . . . and then when you feel full and rested, you just push another button and voila, you're back in the game.
I keep telling myself as of late that it isn't about what people think of my efforts to be a good, no great, mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc., but it really comes down to reminding myself that I am the Beloved. Therein lies my strength and hope and joy. But, if that is simply the case, do I stop expecting or wanting that from those I love, therefore, eliminating any sort of disappointment of not receiving these words of affirmation? I don't know the answer for sure.
Do you ever just want to take a break from life? Whatever that would mean. Not even a vacation necessarily, though I would not pass it up. Sometimes I think it would be great to just have a button to push that would take you to a place where you don't have a schedule, where you don't need to think of all of the financial issues, where you could experience freedom, peace, joy, sleep, great food, and awesome company . . . and then when you feel full and rested, you just push another button and voila, you're back in the game.
Fame and fortune
Last night, we went to the new TCF Stadium to see U2. We won tickets through my work. It seriously was like a miracle, and it was awesome! It did downpour for about half of the show and it was as though I had jumped into a pool in my clothes, but it was worth it to see them and to have a fun, unexpected date night. During the show, the Aquatennial fireworks were going off in the distance . . . along with some lightning and mighty winds. Yikes! I did wonder if my life was going to end at a U2 concert. In fact, on our way back to our car, I did mention that we should get a will in place.
Anyway, not only do I appreciate the amazing talent of Bono, The Edge, Larry, and Adam, but I equally appreciate the work they do to fight for justice. They have a genuine concern for those suffering, for those among the least of us, and it is very much incorporated into their words. I wonder what our world would look like if everyone with fame and fortune used it to fight for justice. I respect those guys a ton! And I love their music!
Anyway, not only do I appreciate the amazing talent of Bono, The Edge, Larry, and Adam, but I equally appreciate the work they do to fight for justice. They have a genuine concern for those suffering, for those among the least of us, and it is very much incorporated into their words. I wonder what our world would look like if everyone with fame and fortune used it to fight for justice. I respect those guys a ton! And I love their music!
A new record
Reading is one of my favorite past times, but sometimes I forget that it is. Actually, it might be more related to the fact that it takes me a while to get into books. Maybe I just haven't found the right ones. I believe that I currently have five books that have been started and not finished.
That being said, I just read The Hunger Games series. Three books in less than a month. That is a record for me. I was so captivated and couldn't wait until I had a moment to read on. I am really looking forward to the movie to be released on March 23, 2012; so much so, that I have been researching the movie and cast.
Though I love Katniss with her compassionate, kick-ass, hunter, driven self; I absolutely adore Peeta. In fact, I would like him to be my friend. He is caring, loving, funny, intelligent, intuitive, level-headed, and has a really great heart. He says it how it is, yet remains thoughtful and non-threatening in the same manner. I am really going to miss those guys.
Anyway, I am trying to get my husband to read the series so that we can debrief and see the movie together. We'll see if I can convince him. Any recommendations for my next book?
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Three going on 14
I never really used to think too much about single parenting and the challenge of getting through each day with little ones. After experiencing only a handful of days as a single parent (when my husband was traveling), my respect for single parents increased a hundred times. How do they do it? Really. I would like to know.
The past two days have been a challenge on another level - doing life with a three-year-old. This three-year-old is extremely intelligent and sassy; three going on 14. Need I say more? I lost track of how many time she yelled "no" at me.
"Be quiet."
"NO!"
"Go sit on the stairs."
"NO!"
"You need to sit on your bottom."
"NO!"
"Stop spitting food out."
"NO!"
At one point, there was a stare down. And, though I am confident with my competitiveness and drive I would've won, I walked away and closed the door behind me to collect my thoughts and take some deep breaths.
This afternoon, she had a roll of toilet paper in her room (I have no clue why) and it was everywhere. It's like she was TPing her own bedroom. She also had a glass of water in her room . . . all over the floor. All of this chaos while she was supposed to be napping.
I am a cool, calm, and collected person, and it takes a lot to get me riled up in most cases. Man alive, the last couple of days have been exhausting and it felt like I have failed as a parent somehow by letting these things frustrate me so much. I know that is being a little dramatic and she is only three. I want to handle these situations in a healthy and loving way because when 14 does come around, it will be a whole new ball game and I likewise want to process whatever issues with her in a healthy and loving way at that time.
So, God help me! And help all of the parents out there with three year olds, and those people who will have three year olds to come.
The past two days have been a challenge on another level - doing life with a three-year-old. This three-year-old is extremely intelligent and sassy; three going on 14. Need I say more? I lost track of how many time she yelled "no" at me.
"Be quiet."
"NO!"
"Go sit on the stairs."
"NO!"
"You need to sit on your bottom."
"NO!"
"Stop spitting food out."
"NO!"
At one point, there was a stare down. And, though I am confident with my competitiveness and drive I would've won, I walked away and closed the door behind me to collect my thoughts and take some deep breaths.
This afternoon, she had a roll of toilet paper in her room (I have no clue why) and it was everywhere. It's like she was TPing her own bedroom. She also had a glass of water in her room . . . all over the floor. All of this chaos while she was supposed to be napping.
I am a cool, calm, and collected person, and it takes a lot to get me riled up in most cases. Man alive, the last couple of days have been exhausting and it felt like I have failed as a parent somehow by letting these things frustrate me so much. I know that is being a little dramatic and she is only three. I want to handle these situations in a healthy and loving way because when 14 does come around, it will be a whole new ball game and I likewise want to process whatever issues with her in a healthy and loving way at that time.
So, God help me! And help all of the parents out there with three year olds, and those people who will have three year olds to come.
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