It is a rare and priceless gift to have a friendship last a lifetime, a literal lifetime. I remember two of my childhood best friends, both of whom I am no longer in contact with. One relationship phased out as we entered junior high and the other faded as we each got married and as life happened.
The first friendship seemed like a mutual decision to stop pursuing each other as our lives went in different directions. This was after years of spending almost every spare moment at each other's house. Though it made sense at the time that we grew apart, given that we attended different schools and our life choices didn’t quite align, there was a void in the years to come. For a junior high kid, however, this was a devastating “break-up” if you will. I have fond memories of us laughing until we cried every time we would get together. We got our ears double pierced together. We would dress like twins more often than I care to admit (side pony tails and all - it was the 80s, what more can I say). I remember playing Barbie dolls for hours and hours; some days from sun-up to sun down. We had the "best friends" necklaces. I still think about that friendship from time to time and wonder what it would be like if we were still actively a part of each other’s life.
Our last encounter was at her dad’s funeral over ten years ago. I hadn’t seen her in years and we embraced, and she cried. It was as though regardless of our absence from one another’s life, we were a still a part of each other’s life. It’s hard to explain.
The other friendship spanned over 20 years. I remember thinking that this was one that would last forever, and then life happened. Without going into a ton of detail, she met a guy, got married and moved away, leaving her friends a little shocked and confused. We were not invited to be a part of that decision or relationship and it hurt. With distance as a significant barrier, and our daily lives as another, that friendship quickly disintegrated. I remember having lunch one day when she was back in town. At one moment it got quiet, and a little awkward, as we seemed to have run out of things to talk about (this was a first in our many years of friendship). Then it came out as I figured it would. She looked at me and said, “Rebecca, we need to connect more often. We need to keep in touch.” Yes, that would be nice, I agreed. After corresponding a couple of times with her with no response to follow, the communication stopped. It was challenging to be expected of something and then have no reciprocation. I miss the friendship we had, but am happy and content with where we are now. I have accepted it for what it is.
I have learned through these relationships and others to hold things loosely. There are a few friendships that I will fight very hard for. And there are others that I know I will never have to fight for because they will always be; in their unique way, they will always be. These are my “kindred spirits.” There are other friendships that have come and gone with the ebb and flow of life. And I am okay with their absence. I grew up feeling terribly when friendships evolved or fell apart. To me, it meant that I had failed in some way. What I know to be true is that life happens and it is acceptable to hold things loosely and let things or people go when the time is right.
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